


I Fought Them All Off Just To Hold You Close And Tight

by flax_wench, LilaHurley



Series: Late Dawns and Early Sunsets [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Crying, Fighting, Fingering, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, M/M, Making Out, Phone Sex, Pining, Rimming, Sexting, Smut, lots of fucking crying, ray and mikey shenanigans, two emo boys want to fuck more than they want to sing about dying, virgin!Gerard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 00:00:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12715560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flax_wench/pseuds/flax_wench, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilaHurley/pseuds/LilaHurley
Summary: Frank doesn't know what sexting is. Gerard doesn't know what his feelings for Frank mean. Ray is just trying to be the best band mom he can be. Mikey wants everyone to shut up and stop stealing his cigarettes.





	I Fought Them All Off Just To Hold You Close And Tight

**Author's Note:**

> ☆~♡ g a y _ s e x♡~☆ (me): don't say sexting, and then send a pic of Frank.  
> ☆~♡ g a y _ s e x♡~☆: I'll write a fic about it.  
> claddy frnk (flax_wench): sexting with Frank.  
> ☆~♡ g a y _ s e x♡~☆: ur  
> ☆~♡ g a y _ s e x♡~☆: goddamn  
> ☆~♡ g a y _ s e x♡~☆: right  
> ☆~♡ g a y _ s e x♡~☆: maybe they jokingly start sexting but it turns serious and frank bangs on gee's door like FUCK ME RIGHT NOW  
> claddy frnk: I love it.
> 
> and here we are. we went a bit further than I think both of us intended to. but it was super fun, and we'll definitely be doing it again. 
> 
> let us know what you think!

Frank sat with his back against the dressing room door, his knees pulled up to his chest. He picked at the threads on his ripped jeans as he glanced around the room. Ray, sitting on the arm of the couch, wiping down his guitar with a cloth. Gerard, standing at the tiny cracked mirror, running an already dirty wipe along his eyelids. His mouth hung open as he stretched his bottom lid down. Frank shivered and looked away. He moved his gaze over to Mikey, who was as usual, sprawled out across the entire couch, lazily scratching his balls through his worn pants with one hand and typing frantically on his phone with the other. Frank strained his eyes to see what he was typing. He knows that's kinda rude but he's bored okay? He blinks a few times to focus his eyes but sighs in defeat as Mikey finishes whatever he was typing and flips his phone closed.

"Didn't anyone tell you it was rude to stare?" Mikey drawled, letting his head fall back so it flops off the front of the sofa, grinning. Frank gapes at Mikey's giraffe-like neck. Frank coughs to clear his throat and grins back.

"Your _mom_ told me it was rude." Frank replies.

"Dick." Gerard mutters under his breath. He turns and throws the wipe into the bin, lifting his head to look at Frank. "Don't talk about my mom like that." He finishes. Gerard stomps out of the dressing room, pushing the door open before Frank can move, sending him sprawling onto the floor.

"Jesus! What's your fucking problem?" Frank shouts after Gerard, who has turned a corner and disappeared. "What's his fucking problem?" He instead directs at Mikey.

Mikey shrugs, "Probably needs to get laid or something. I know _I_ do." He picks up his phone and points it at Frank. "And that's exactly what's gonna happen tonight."

"How? We've gotta be on the road in," Ray glances at his watch, "40 minutes."

"Oh Ray, 10 minutes is enough. She's ready just from my words." Mikey croons as he stands up, lifting his arms above his head and popping his spine.

"Take notes Frank, learn what sexting is." Mikey laughs as he swings the door open, letting it close on Frank's head, which is still on the ground.

"What what is?" Frank asks Ray, who shrugs and also stands.

"Beats me, I don't even have a phone." He replies, walking towards the door. He looks down at Frank and nudges his leg with his foot. "Text Gee and apologise, he seemed upset."

Frank sits against the wall as the door swings closed after Ray. He looks around the vacated room and groans to himself. Pulling himself to his feet, he stumbles over to his bag, noticing that Gerard has left his makeup bag on the table. Frank picks it up and throws it into his open bag, angrily zipping it closed and throwing it over his shoulder.

Frank strolls to the van, kicking stones as he goes. He doesn't understand why Gerard snapped at him? They've always used 'your mom' as an insult. Maybe he was just tired, tour really takes it out of you when you're sleeping in a van 6 days a week. Luckily they have a hotel night tomorrow, and they got paid more than usual for the last three gigs, so they can afford 2 rooms. He decides he'll speak to Gerard properly then, but until tomorrow night he'll just stay out of Gerard's way.

*

“Where the _fuck_ is my makeup bag?” Gerard groaned, rifling through his things in the van. It was ass o’clock in the middle of nowhere, the sun just now gently peaking over the horizon, and for some reason Gerard decided it was the perfect opportunity to look for his makeup.

“Guys, where’s my shit?” He scrambled up over the middle row of seats, practically falling on top of Ray, reaching for one of the numerous duffle bags on the floor of the van. “This isn’t fucking funny you guys, where’s my bag?!”

Frank sighed, feeling heavily put upon. For once he was getting a decent night’s sleep, Ray taking pity on him and not shoving him in the ribs with his feet. Yet, there was Gerard, ass in the air as he searched for his _precious_ makeup bag, making enough noise to wake the dead. Frank thought about messing with him by not mentioning he had picked it up on his way out of the venue, but even he wasn’t that devious; mostly though, he just wanted Gerard to shut up so he could get some fucking sleep.

“It’s in my duffle bag,” he said quietly, squeezing his eyes shut so the sun wouldn’t blind him further. “I picked it up on our way out. _You’re welcome_.” He hears Gerard reach for his bag, searching its contents violently. “Chill out dude, it’s just makeup.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you grabbed it?” He held the bag in the air, giving it a shake in Frank’s face. “Were you just going to let me freak out all day? Is this funny or something??”

“If I was going to let you continue to make an idiot of yourself, I wouldn’t have told you I had it, dingus,” he huffed, sitting up in his seat.

“Shut up,” Mikey groaned from the back seat, “some of us are trying to sleep.”

“Tell that to your drama queen of a brother, Mikey. I did him a favor and he’s over here accusing me of hiding his shit for laughs.” Pulling his hoodie up over his head, Frank slumped back down in his seat. “Go back to sleep Gerard, you’ve found your stuff.”

Sighing heavily, Gerard heaved himself back over Frank and Ray, his foot not so subtly digging into Frank’s shoulder.

“I don’t know what the _hell_ your problem is, Gee,” Frank whipped his head around to stare at him, “but get fucked.” Gerard squirmed in his seat, avoiding Frank’s gaze.

“Maybe you should do it for him,” Ray mumbled out of the corner of his mouth.

“ _Excuse me?_ ”

Ray was stifling laughter, staring at the ceiling. Frank turned around to make sure Gerard hadn’t heard anything, and found him grumbling to Mikey in the back seat.

“ _Come on_ , Frankie, we see how you two act on stage,” he whispered, rolling his eyes. “And before you come with that ‘it’s just an act’ shit, why don’t you ever try and kiss me?” He pouted, batting his eyelashes. “Not that I _want_ you to, but you see where I’m going, don’t you?”

“Not really.” Frank could be petulant if he wanted to be. Ray was putting him on the spot and he didn’t like it.

“You fight all the time, but when you’re on stage you grope each other and make out like teenagers. It’s like make up sex in front of a thousand people, which is creepy, by the way.” Ray gave him an accusatory glance, and Frank felt his cheeks warm in embarrassment. “In all seriousness, we know you guys have... a thing.”

“A thing?”

“A thing.”

“What thing?”

“A sex thing.”

“A SEX THING?!”

“Shut UP, Frankie,” Mikey groaned from behind him.

“Sorry, Mikey,” he dropped his voice to a whisper, glaring daggers at Ray. “We don’t have a sex thing! We’ve only ever kissed!”

“Fair enough,” Ray shrugged, “but do you _want_ to have a sex thing?”

Suddenly, he couldn’t look at Ray anymore. He felt his cheeks flare up again, his eyes staring at the holes in his jeans. The truth was, ever since he laid eyes on Gerard he’d had a thing for him. Admiration quickly grew into attraction, attraction grew into a crush, and a crush grew into something that scared the shit out of him. He always thought he was pretty good at hiding his feelings for Gerard, but apparently he wasn’t.

“Thanks for answering my question,” Ray pulled a pair of aviators from his pocket and slipped them smoothly over his eyes.

“Where the fuck did you get those from?”

“My pocket, genius. And don’t try to change the subject. You wanna bang Gerard, Gerard wants to bang you. I don’t see the issue here.”

“It’s not that simple, Ray,” he sighed, pulling his hoodie down over his eyes. “I can’t just sleep with my friend, the singer of our band, _Mikey’s older brother_.”

“First rule of seduction is to not think about the sibling of the person you want to seduce, okay Frankie?” Ray gave him a judgmental look over the top of his aviators. “It’s just weird.”

“Who said I was going to seduce Gerard?”

“I did,” Ray gave him a blinding smile, “because I can’t deal with this sexual tension between the two of you anymore. I can practically smell the pheromones wafting off your skin.”

“You’re fucking _gross_ ,” Frank giggled, trying his best to not let Gerard and Mikey hear him.

“So you’re on board?” Ray gently elbowed him.

He sighed, thinking about what he had to lose; he friends, his bands, his life. It scared the shit out of him, but he also knew it was more than just sex. If he didn’t try something, anything with Gerard, he would wonder “what if” for the rest of his life.

“I guess,” he sighed, running a shaking hand down his face. “But how am I going to do this?”

Ray leaned forward, stuck his hand in Frank’s pocket, and plucked his phone from his jeans. He turned the phone over in his hands, looking up at Frank over his aviators.

“Are you good with words?”

*

"Words," Frank muttered, frowning at his phone. He turned it over in his hands and flipped it open, "words." He mumbled again, dragging out the 's'.

"Please shut up Frank, I can't see." Gerard breathed from where he was staring into the mirror. Well, mirror is a strong word. It's just a CD he plucked from the van, once he noticed there was no mirror in the dressing room. Or the attached bathroom. Or the bar toilets. Where the fuck were they playing, an Amish barn?!

"That makes no fucking sense, you neanderthal." Frank snorted, slipping his phone back into his pocket and walking toward the bathroom. He bumped into Gerard's shoulder with a faked "oops" and slammed the door behind himself.

"Neanderthal is a big word for a caveman like you!" Gerard yelled through the closed door. Presumably kicking it going by the loud bang that followed.

"They're the same fucking thing, moron!" Frank yelled back.

He sighed and slapped his hands over his face, chanting "words" quietly into his palms. He had no idea what Ray meant, he still had no idea what sexting was. How do you have sex with someone who isn't in the same room? Well, phone sex, he reminds himself. But how is just reading words sexy? One of the best things about sex is the sounds.

Frank decides thinking about sex while sitting in a questionably clean bathroom on a questionably clean toilet lid is not the best thing to do. Now he's half hard and thinking about the noises Gerard would make. Surprisingly, he's never heard Gerard jerking off like he's heard Mikey and Ray, and how they've presumably heard him too. He shivers at the thought.

He stands up off the toilet and splashes some water onto his face. Maybe he'll just ask Mikey properly what sexting entails.

The show is great, Frank can hardly breathe because his lung capacity is taken up by the music. He can feel it in every cell in his body. Some mornings when he wakes up with Ray's sweaty feet sticking in his ribs, a bass cab balancing precariously above his head, the stench of week old unwashed Gerard in the air, he wonders why he does this. But getting on stage that same night makes him realise, _this is why_. He'd take a billion sweaty Ray socks and possible blunt force trauma and eye watering unwashed man smell for just a day more of music.

Frank whips his head back and flicks his sweat drenched hair out of his face and looks over at Gerard. He's prowling around the front of the stage, hand up his shirt, staring at each person he passes as if he were seducing them. Yeah fuck, that's exactly how you seduce someone. Just be Gerard Way. It's impossible to resist. Frank glances back up to see Gerard staring right back at him, giving him a knowing grin. He winks at Frank and starts skipping towards him, screaming into the mic he's holding against his mouth.

When he reaches Frank, Gerard throws the mic to the floor, grabs the front of Frank’s shirt and presses their lips together messily. They've done this before, they do this on stage almost every night, and frank understands it's Gerard's need to exert all of the nervous energy he has. It doesn't mean anything else to Gerard. It means everything to Frank.

Gerard pulls away after a few seconds, bending down to pick up the mic, and looking over his shoulder at Frank, ass in the air. Frank gulps and looks down at his hands on his guitar. He fumbles the next few chords but gets himself under control. Tonight is hotel night, he can trying seducing him later.

After the show, they all pile into the van, practically turning into tetris pieces as they fit themselves around all the gear and their own bags. Frank can't wait to stretch out onto a real bed, not just a mostly deflated air mattress in the worst smelling van in America.

They soon pull up to the sad looking hotel, but it's definitely better than this van. They all jump out, giving each other 30 seconds to stretch and groan. Ray skips inside and is out within a minute, handing a key card to Frank, and one to Mikey.

"Me and you, Frank." Ray grins, slinging an arm over Frank's shoulder and almost knocking him to the ground. _Is Ray half giant?_ Frank thinks for the 3rd time today. The first time being when Ray reached to the top shelf in the store and grabbed a bag of chips from the /back/, the second time being when he simply reached up to screw a bulb back into the socket in the dressing room. _Without a chair_.

Frank mumbles something unintelligible around the lit cigarette in his mouth, chucking the lighter over to a waiting Gerard.

"You can smoke in the rooms, no signs." Ray smiles, pulling Frank by the arm across the parking lot and into the damp smelling room. Beggars can't be choosers, Frank reasons.

Ray kicks the door shut and immediately pulls the cigarette out of Franks mouth, holding it for a few seconds as he scans the room for an ashtray, then stubbing it out and whipping his head back round to Frank.

"Did you words?" He enquires, throwing himself onto the nearest bed.

"Evidently better than you." Frank quips, pulling another cigarette out and slapping all of his pockets for a lighter. Fuck, he didn't get it back from Gerard. Ray watches him with an amused look.

"I put it out because I don't want our room to smell like Iggy Pop's ass," Ray states, eyebrow raised, "Did you 'sext' with Gerard?" he asks bluntly, kicking his shoes off and shimmying further up the bed til his head hits the wall.

"Then you should have let me fucking finish it. Now I'm going to be grumpy."

"You're always grumpy."

" _Fuck off_. No I didn't 'words' with Gerard. I haven't had a moment alone for two days." Frank says, kicking his own shoes off. No socks. His last pair were used over a week ago, and promptly thrown out of the window by an uncaring Mikey.

"Well you'll have a moment tonight, Mikey is taking me to a bar in the next town. He wants to drink and I want to listen to music. We won't be back til late, do some words." He points at Frank's phone, now laying on the bedside table.

"Can't promise anything" Frank grumbles. He really fucking wants to smoke. God damn Ray.

"Alright, I'm gonna shower and I'll be out of your hair, nicotine princess." Ray ruffles Frank's hair as he passes. He gets flipped off in return. Frank lays back onto his bed and closes his eyes. He really just wants to smoke. And sleep. And jerk off.

Ray comes out 20 minutes later, looking exactly the same. Frank would think he hadn't even showered if it weren't for the lack of literal stink lines that have been gracing Ray's body for 4 days.

"And I'm gone!" He yells, closing the door behind himself, his heavy steps retreating as Frank hears the door in the room next to him open and close quickly. Next he hears the van, then Misfits getting quieter as they drive away from the hotel, and then silence.

Frank chews his lip as he stares at his phone, he grabs it and puts it back down three times. He picks it up a final time and flips it open, opening and text to Gerard and simply sending "Hey".

He gets a reply 3 seconds later.

From Gerard 10.33pm  
Hey

To Gerard 10.33pm  
What's up?

From Gerard 10.34pm  
You text me first. I'm just laying in bed. Enjoying the soft. You?

To Gerard 10.35pm  
Me too, gonna get out of these clothes in a sec.

Frank regrets it as soon as he hits send. That was so creepy. He fumbles to send another.

To Gerard 10.35pm  
I mean because they're filthy.

From Gerard 10.36pm  
Are you a filthy boy, Frankie?

Frank gulps, what the fuck? Is Gerard one step ahead of him? Just as Frank is about to reply he gets another text.

From Gerard 10.37pm  
Haha, I'm kidding. I stink pretty bad too.

To Gerard 10.37pm  
I am a filthy boy, but I could be filthier.

Frank throws his phone to the end of the bed and chews on his thumb nail. He's not going going to pick his phone back up. He's going to shower and go to sleep. His phone vibrates and he scrambles to pick it up.

From Gerard 10.39pm  
So, Mikey told me about this thing, and I don't really know what it is or how to do it, can I ask you about it?

Frank deflates at the obvious subject change, but Gerard seems troubled so Frank will have to deal with it.

To Gerard 10.40pm  
Of course, what is it?

From Gerard 10.40pm  
Sexting. I don't really get it. How can words on a screen be sexy?

To Gerard 10.41pm  
I said the same thing! Like, how do you even start it? Hey my hand is on my dick?

From Gerard 10.41pm  
Haha, I think you're supposed to be more coy than that. So, I'm laying down and running my hand across my stomach.

To Gerard 10.42pm  
Oh I get it. I'm just in my boxers, my pants were getting tight. Like that?

From Gerard 10.43pm  
Fuck, yeah like that. You look so good in tight pants though, it's sad to see them go :(

To Gerard 10.43pm  
Sad face isn't sexy, Gee. But I do look good. Not as good as you in tight shirts, I swear my dick could drill a hole into my guitar when I see you on stage.

From Gerard 10.44pm  
Yeah? Why do you think I kiss you? I gotta distract myself from coming in my pants. Fuck, seeing you flushed and sweaty kills me.

To Gerard 10.45pm  
You're better at this than you thought. Even your pretend sexting is doing something haha.

From Gerard 10.45pm  
Who's pretending? Just do this. I'm really laying here with nothing on right now, Frankie. How about you?

To Gerard 10.46pm  
Fuck Gee, really? We can't undo this.

From Gerard 10.47pm  
Don't wanna, get naked with me Frankie. Tell me what you're doing.

To Gerard 10.48pm  
Shit okay, I'm just rubbing my thigh right now, I'm half hard from what you said before.

From Gerard 10.48pm  
Just half? Fuck I've been ready to go since you mentioned your dick on stage. I'm trying so hard not to touch myself.

To Gerard 10.49pm  
Do it, tell me how it feels, I'm taking my boxers off.

Frank slips his boxers off, softly running his fingers up the side of his half hard cock, shivering at the contact. His phone buzzes next to him and he picks it back up, breathing heavily.

From Gerard 10.51pm  
Fuck, it's so good. I couldn't type for a second. Wish this was your hand.

To Gerard 10.51pm  
Me too. It could be, I can be over there in 5 seconds.

From Gerard 10.52pm  
No this. This is good. Fuck. What are you doing? Talk to me.

Frank grabs his dick, stroking once and groaning loudly. He's so glad Ray left.

To Gerard 10.53pm  
I'm stroking myself, I spit on my hand so it's smoother and fuck, it's so good Gee. I'm so close already.

Frank puts his phone back down, using his now free hand to reach up and play with his nipples, he pinches one and then moves to pinch the other. His phone vibrates beside him, but instead of a short buzz, it's prolonged. He notices it's it's a phone call. He picks it up and begs whatever God that it isn't his mother.

Luckily, it's Gerard. He answers quickly.

"Fuck, where did you _go_?" Gerard asks breathily, the sound of his jerking off gets louder when he stops speaking.

"It, fuck, it was your turn to reply." Frank groans, reaching his fingers up to his mouth and sucking on them.

"Nuh-uh, yours. Are you, oh god, are you sucking your fucking _fingers_?" Gerard whines, breathing in harshly, followed by panting out little 'ah-ah-ah' sounds.

"Mmmmm," Frank takes his fingers out of his mouth and reaches back down to close his hand back around his now very hard dick, "Wish they weren't mine though, wish they weren't fingers."

"Oh fuck, more. Tell me more." Gerard cries, holding his breath like he doesn't want to miss miss single word Frank is going to say.

"Wish it was your cock, I'd suck it so fucking good baby. Fuck, I want you to grab my hair and fuck my mouth. Ah," Frank speeds up, trying to match the wet noises he can hear on the other side of the line, "want you to come in my mouth, I want to taste you for days, Gee. Fuck, I never want to taste anything else." Frank finishes, his hips now pumping in time with his strokes.

"Yes, fuck, oh god I want that baby. I want to turn you onto your stomach and eat you out. Will you let me do that?" Gerard asks, small whines slipping out every few words.

Franks eyes roll back into his head as he starts coming, he's chanting " _yes, yes, yes_ " as come hits his stomach and even his chest. He can faintly hear Gerard groaning and working through his own orgasm.

They're silent for a few minutes, no sound but their panting and occasional gulps. Frank hears Gerard move first, the sound of cloth rustling over the mic of his phone, directly into Frank's ear where he's still pressing his phone tight against his head.

"Fuck. What did we just do Frank?" Is the next thing Frank hears. Quickly followed by the sound of his phone hanging up. Frank stares at his own phone, mouth hanging open stupidly. What? He just had one of the best orgasms of his life, and the afterglow was cut short by regret? He feels terrible.

He quickly wipes himself off with his boxers, belatedly realising they were his last "clean" pair. He groans and slaps his hand on his forehead, making the decision to run next door to make sure Gerard is okay. Just as he slips his shoes on, the sound of the van fills his ears and he slumps back against the bed. He can't talk about it with Mikey and Ray here. He sends Gerard a quick text. He notices the last text before Gerard called him, hadn't sent. He groans and deletes it all.

To Gerard 11.04pm  
I'm sorry. We can pretend it never happened if you want to. I won't let it get in the way of the band. We just got a bit out of control. I won't mention it.

Frank stuffs his phone under his pillow and undresses himself, slipping into bed as he hears the door open and Ray stomp into the room.

"Frank?" Ray attempts to whisper, but it mostly comes out as a growl.

Frank squeezes his eyes closed and stays quiet. Ray grunts and Frank hears him get undressed and and slip into his own bed, before the light clicks off and the room is plunged into darkness. Frank doesn't sleep at all.

*

Frank couldn’t even look at Gerard the next morning. He didn’t regret what happened, not for a second, but the way it ended, Gerard just leaving like that... it hurt. It hurt a lot. Spending countless hours with him for the rest of the tour was going to be unbearable.

He sat in the shitty lobby of the shitty hotel they were in, pushing around the shitty cereal in his bowl with a spoon instead of eating it. Life had gone from awesome to horrible in all of fifteen minutes last night, and his stupid dick still got hard when he thought about it, betraying him as usual.

“Can you quit for one fucking second?” he asked his dick, looking at the offending appendage that was currently making a nice bulge in the front of his jeans. “We got shot down like never before last night, have you no shame?”

“Are you talking to your _dick_?”

Frank nearly jumped out of his seat, shouting as Ray Fucking Toro looked down at him with a smirk. His heart was beating double time in his chest, slowly returning to form as he caught his breath.

“Fucking warn a man, will you?” He pulled his hand through his hair. “Jesus Christ, I almost had a heart attack.”

Ray sat down heavily in the chair across from Frank, looking at him suspiciously. “Did you words?”

“I words...ed. Wordsed? Worded?”

“Is that what you’re talking to your dick about?”

“Well, yes, sort of,” he scratched the back of his neck nervously. He really didn’t want to talk about last night.

Ray was clearly assessing him. “It went badly.”

“Not entirely,” he conceded. “We... well, we sexted.”

“Alright!” Ray held up his hand for a high five, which Frank returned, lacklusterly. “Wait, shouldn’t you be happy about this?”

“Well yeah, but he kinda shut me down.” Ray looked concerned, so he continued. “Things were going great, ya know? We were sexting, which then turned into phone sex, which then lead to an awesome orgasm-“

“TMI dude,” Ray interrupted.

“And then he just... he hung up.”

“ _He hung up?_ ”

“I know, right? He was like ‘oh my god what have we done’ and then he just hung up.” Pushing the bowl away, Frank let his arms fall heavily at his sides, feeling defeated. “I tried to text him and tell him it wouldn’t make things weird, but he never responded. I can’t even bring myself to face him.”

Ray took his bowl of cereal and began to eat it, chewing slowly. The silence stretched between them, and Frank knew it was because Ray was about to hit him with some words of wisdom, so he waited patiently.

“I got nothin’,” he eventually offered, finishing the cereal and pushing the bowl back to Frank.

“ _What the fuck am I supposed to do, Ray_?! I can’t forget what happened, I can’t go on acting like he didn’t want me to suck his dick last night!”

“Again man, TMI. Listen, you’ve got to give him time. Gerard is...” he searched for his words, “he’s awkward, ya know? He doesn’t deal with emotions like the rest of us do.” He stretched out his hand, clasping it on Frank’s shoulder. “I agree; don’t act like this didn’t happen. If you bury this, it’s going to eat away at you.”

“Yeah,” Frank mumbled, gently pulling away from Ray. “I guess so.”

Brian popped his head around the corner of the lobby.

“Five minutes guys, get your shit out of your room and let’s go!”

Ray rolled his eyes. “Come on man, let’s go. You’ll feel better by tonight. Shows always cheer you up.” Ray put his arm around him as the headed back to their room to grab their things. “Just kinda keep your distance for now okay? I know the ride to the show is going to be awkward, but we’ll deal with it.”

But Frank didn’t want to deal with it; he wanted to confront Gerard, he wanted to shake him and ask him what the fuck his problem was. He resigned himself to patience again, knowing eventually he’d get his chance to smooth things over. But for now, he just had to keep his distance and be civil. He hoped Gerard would do the same.

Gerard was civil. So civil, in fact, that he acted like Frank didn’t even exist. It had Frank seething for the entire drive to the venue.

“Hey Frank,” Mikey tapped him on the shoulder with something plastic, “could you put this in the CD player?” Frank turned around to see that Mikey was handing him a battered Black Flag CD that he knew to be Gerard’s.

So he wasn’t even going to acknowledge his existence now? Fuck, was he that ashamed? Frank snatched the CD from Mikey’s hands, glaring at Gerard, whose eyes were firmly staring out the window.

“Isn’t this _yours_ , Gee?” He felt Ray’s foot gently nudging his own, but he wanted to mess with Gerard. “That’s really nice of you to loan it to Mikey, I know you’re kind of an _ass_ when it comes to sharing.” He saw Gerard roll his eyes, but he still refused to look at him. “You kinda suck at texting back, too.”

“Just play the fucking CD, Frank,” Gerard gritted his teeth, still staring out the window.

“ _Yes sir_ ,” he smirked, happy he’d finally gotten a reaction from him.

“I thought we agreed you would lay low?” Ray snapped as he turned back around. “What the hell was that?”

“You fucking saw, he’s completely ignoring me! He won’t even hand me a fucking CD!” He sat back heavily in his seat, squirming and feeling petulant. “I’m sick of this, why does he act this way?”

“Because he’s Gee,” he shrugged, “and the two of you can’t handle your emotions like adults.”

“ _I’m_ an adult!” Frank whined, crossing his arms over his chest. He refused to look at Ray, knowing exactly what expression he was going to be faced with.

“You know, maybe you two shouldn’t hook up,” Ray mused, “because you’re both children and that’s gross as hell.” Frank gave him the finger and pulled his hoodie back down over his eyes. He was already pissed at Gerard, he didn’t want to get into it with Ray, too.

He shut his eyes and was dozing within minutes. The rumble of the van beneath him was oddly soothing, a gentle white noise lulling him to sleep. He wanted nothing more than to ignore everything that happened over the past 24 hours, to just forget this whole mess with Gerard. He knew he was taking a risk, that this would change things forever, but he couldn’t help but hope it would be for the best. The ache in his chest told him maybe he had made a mistake.

“Seriously, Gee, what’s going on between you two?”

Frank cracked an eye open, hearing Mikey attempt to whisper to his brother.

“It’s nothing, okay?” Silence. Frank knew they must’ve been exchanging the patented Way Brothers Telepathic Glare, where they somehow held entire conversations with only their eyebrows.

“You’re a shitty liar.”

“Mikey, please, just let this one go, okay? Look,” Gerard paused for a while, and Frank could hear him fiddling with his lighter. “Something... something happened, and it was a mistake.” Frank winced. “He’s my _friend_ , and I just don’t see him as anything else.”

Frank’s heart plummeted down through his chest, his stomach, his intestines, and then out his ass onto the floor of the van. He bit his lip to keep it from trembling as his eyes began to water. Why did he have to wake up? Why was he hearing this?

He shifted, pulling his bag up in his lap, and the conversation stopped abruptly. Secretly he hoped Gerard knew that he heard, hoped he felt bad for what he said and for leading him on like this. He hoped Gerard would finally leave him alone, stop grabbing him and kissing him on stage, stop fucking with his emotions all the time. He hoped he would get over Gerard and get on with his life; but mostly, more than anything, he hoped it was a lie. He hoped Gerard loved him back.

“When’s our next stop?” He turned around and looked at Gerard, finding his eyes wide and his face pale, guilt lining his features. “I gotta piss.”

“About 30 miles,” Mikey answered. Frank nodded and turned around, putting his headphones on and turning up his iPod as loud as it would go. He’d heard enough.

“Happy now?” Mikey asked, taking in the shock on his brother’s face. “Oh, and you’re still a shitty liar.”

*

Frank played like a man possessed that night, his anger and heartache coursing through him, lighting him up like a tiny firecracker with a guitar. He threw his whole body into the performance, head banging, jumping off the monitors, rolling around on the floor. His eyes were closed the majority of the set as he let the music carry him away, helping him forget his troubles. It was strangely therapeutic for him, as long as he didn’t look at Gerard of course.

Mikey kept them separated thankfully, seemingly overcoming his shyness and stage fright to make sure Frank wouldn’t have to deal with his brother. They shared a knowing glance between songs, and that made Frank feel a little better, like Mikey understood somehow.

He shut his eyes again and let the music take him over, the feeling of the fretboard beneath his fingers centering him, when he felt a hand grasp his shirt. Eyes flying open, they landed on Gerard; god, he was gorgeous like this. Fuck it, he was gorgeous all the time, but he was a different being entirely on stage. Sweat was running down his skin, his hair sticking to his face, cheeks flushed and eyes bright. His hand was gripping Frank’s shirt so tightly he thought it might rip, as he pulled him in roughly for another kiss.

Frank closed his eyes, allowing himself to be swept away, the feel of Gerard’s lips against his own, familiar and exciting. His mind raced as fast as his heart, thinking about the night before: how amazing it had been, and how horribly it ended. Then Gerard’s own words rang through his head.

“ _...it was a mistake. He’s a friend, and I just don’t see him as anything else_.”

Frank shook Gerard off, breaking the kiss and looking away. He spotted Mikey from behind Gerard, looking concerned, and something snapped inside of him. He shoved at Gerard, catching him off guard so he nearly fell.

“Go back over there!” He shouted over the music, waving a free hand in Ray’s direction. “ _Don’t fucking touch me_!”

Gerard looked confused and wounded, and he had no fucking right to be upset, why was _he_ upset? He’s the one who wanted to just be friends. Frank stewed and simmered over this for the rest of the show, and by the time the set was over, he stomped off stage to the green room.

“Frankie, what’s wrong?” Ray shouted as he ran after him to the green room. “What’s the problem?”

“ _He’s_ my fucking problem!” Turning around, Frank pointed squarely at Gerard, making him stop dead in his tracks. “Don't fucking look at me like that, asshole. You know what you did.” They stared at each other, each waiting for the other to say something. “Nothing to say, Gee? That’s funny, because you had plenty to say last night, and this morning in the van.” Gerard blanched. “You’re just _all talk_ , aren’t you?”

“Frank,” Mikey appeared at his side, “I think it’s best that we go outside.”

“Why? So Gerard doesn’t have to feel _awkward_ , so he doesn’t have to feel bad about what he did?”

“No, so I can talk to you, maybe?” Mikey glared at him in annoyance. “I’ll give you some cigarettes.” Frank grumbled in agreement, following Mikey out of the green room and into the parking lot behind the venue. “Listen, I know Gee’s been a dick-“ Frank snorted, “but he’s... he’s shit with his feelings, okay? He knows how to write and draw and sing, but he can’t communicate worth shit.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Frank huffed, gesturing for Mikey’s pack of cigarettes.

“I know Ray told you to give him time-“

“What the fuck, when have you been talking to Ray?!”

“We're all in the same band, doofus, we talk to each other. Plus I’m not an idiot, I can see the way my brother looks at you and how you two practically procreate on stage every night,” he pulled a face then, his nose scrunching up in distaste, “so just trust me when I say he’s being a dick right now but he’ll get over it. Okay?”

“That’s all well and good Mikes,” he patted himself down, looking for a lighter when he remembered Gerard still had it. “But that doesn’t mean shit to me right now.”

“Be patient, asshole,” Mikey smirked as he handed over his lighter. Frank lit up and blew a cloud of smoke through his nose, letting the nicotine calm him. “There she is. There’s my nicotine princess.”

“Seriously? You too?”

Mike shrugged. “It’s suits you.”

“Oh fuck you,” he groaned.

“I think my brother would take issue with that.”

“This conversation is over,” he mumbled, finishing his cigarette and heading back inside, where he was promptly cornered by Gerard. “Come on man, not right now, okay?”

“Just... just let me say I’m sorry? Please?” He looked utterly miserable. “That was shitty of me, after last night and this morning. To just assume you’d be okay with me kissing you... I’m sorry.” His eyes darted from Frank’s to the floor as the silence began to stretch. “Okay... yeah, I’ll catch you later.”

“Yeah... I’ll see you around.” Frank began to walk away, but before he made it far, he turned back around. “And uh... I forgive you, Gee.” Gerard spun around so fast he almost tripped, his eyes wide and hopeful. “It’s not cool. Like at all. And we aren’t exactly cool right now either, but... we can be.”

Gerard smiled shyly, looking back down at the floor. “Yeah,” he said softly, “yeah, I hope so.”

*

Frank wakes up while it's still dark, panting and sweaty from the nightmare he had. He looks around the cramped van, assuring himself that he's awake and safe. He sees Mikey and Ray, tangled together in an inelegant mess of limbs, a strand of Mikey's hair inside Ray's mouth. Frank shivers and looks to the seat in front of his, half hoping Gerard is awake, but also hoping he's not so he doesn't have to find comfort in someone who hurt him just a day before.

Gerard is leant over the drivers seat, talking to a yawning Brian. Frank tries to move quietly but knocks three empty water bottles onto the floor with his foot, slipping in panic and crunching them beneath his socked foot. Gerard whips his head around and locks eyes with Frank, furrow of his brow in confusion.

"Frank? Why are you awake?" He half whispers, plopping himself back into his seat and graciously leaving Brian to drive in peace. When Gerard starts talking he doesn't stop, they've all learned it at some point.

"Oh uh, jus' a bad dream. S'nothing." Frank garbled, his voice still sleep heavy.

"You um, d'you wanna talk about it?" Gerard says to his knees. He flicks his gaze back up to Frank and quickly looks back down when he notices Frank is still watching him.

"Not really. I just wanna go back to sleep. I didn't sleep well at the hotel." Frank blushes and curses himself for bringing it up again.

"Sure? I'll come back there and we can talk til you fall asleep." Gerard doesn't wait for Frank go agree before he's pushing himself over the back of the seats and flopping into the seat next to Frank.

"Shut the fuck up, guys. Mikey move your fucking head, half of your _forest_ you call hair is in my fucking mouth." Ray growls from the back. Frank and Gerard have their heads turned towards him, turning back at the same time to lock eyes. They both blush and look down, this could not get more awkward.

Seconds later, Frank realises he's tempted fate as Gerard pulls on his legs til he's laying down on his side, Gerard squeezing himself to lay parallel. Their faces are so close. Frank can smell the coffee and stale cigarette smell with every breath that fans over his face.

"What happened in your dream?" Gerard whispers, his arm wrapping around Frank's middle so he doesn't call off the narrow seat.

"It was nothing, just, there was no us anymore. No band. I fucked it up and you all hated me." Frank mumbles back, avoiding Gerard's eyes.

"That'll never happen, Frankie."

"Yeah? I almost fucked it up the other night, I should have just put my phone down."

"I could have done that too, I just didn't _want_ to. We both did it, Frank. It's not just one of us at fault."

"So there is a fault?" Frank accuses, moving his face back as far as he can, "You regret it?"

"Frank, no, I-" Gerard sighs, bringing his other hand up to run it over his face, "I don't regret it. I just-"

"Why won't you give it a go? You want me." Frank says, lifting a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind Gerard's ear, "You want me, and I want you."

"Frank," Gerard breathes, eyes now locked on Frank's lips.

"You do. Just let me, _please_." Frank begs, he slips his hand to the back of Gerard's head to bring him closer, their lips now almost touching.

"Fuck, yes. Please" Gerard whimpers, closing the gap and slamming his mouth over Frank's. He immediately opens up and allows Frank to slip his tongue into his mouth. Gerard whines and presses closer, sucking on Frank's tongue and digging his nails into Frank's waist. Frank reaches his hand down to Gerard's ass, gripping it firmly and pulling him closer. He rolls his hips a few times, pulling away to pant into Gerard's chest.

"Fuck, no. Stop," Gerard starts, "Frank please, stop. I can't." Gerard stammers, pushing against Frank's hip. He sits up and runs a hand through his unruly hair.

"What the fuck? Why do you keep doing this?" Frank growls, "Why do you keep fucking leading me on? You're such a dick. Leave me alone." Frank turns his back to Gerard, his face pressing against the smelly seat back. He bites down on his lip to conceal the whimper threatening to slip out.

"Frankie-" Gerard starts, softly putting his hand on Frank's shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch me," Frank whips his head around to face Gerard, the tears that were gathering in his eyes finally spilling over and down his cheeks, "Don't fucking touch me," he repeats, "On stage, in the van, when we're out in the day, at all. _Don't fucking touch me again_." Frank sobs, turning back and biting down on the thin blanket that covers his shivering frame.

He hears Gerard choke out a sob of his own behind him, he doesn't feel anything.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Gerard says, Frank feels him standing and slipping back into his seat in front, "I'm sorry." He whispers a final time.

Frank cries into his blanket, cursing himself for being so stupid. He's done after this tour, he decides. He can't go on with this band after being so humiliated. Twice. He falls into a fitful sleep, plagued by more nightmares, he wakes up a few times to hear Gerard sniffling in front of him. He doesn't care.

The next morning Frank is unbearable to be around, snapping at everyone for every tiny thing. His breaking point is when Mikey and Ray are fucking around outside the van, Frank is leaning against the side smoking his last cigarette before they get to the next town they're playing at. Just as he takes his third toke, he's covered in cold, fruity smelling liquid. Drenching his cigarette, and damping his mood past any point of repair.

"What the FUCK is wrong with you two?" He yells, punching the side of the van. He steps towards a wide-eyed Mikey and Ray, "Could you stop acting like school kids for three fucking seconds so some of us can have some fucking peace?" He pushes at Mikey's shoulders.

"Hey! Don't touch him!" He feels Gerard grab his should firmly, before he realises what he's doing, he turns and swings his fist into Gerard's jaw.

"I said DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME AGAIN!" Frank screams, turning back to Ray, "And FUCK your shitty advice, Ray Toro! You're all fucking useless. All of you. I hate you," Frank falls to the ground, gravel crunching under his knees, "I fucking hate you, _I hate you_." He sobs into his hands, his limp cigarette still dangling between his fingers.

Everyone is silent for a second. Frank continues crying into his palms, coughing against the lump in his throat.

"Mikes, take Gee for a walk for five." He hears Ray whisper. As he hears two sets of feet crunch away down the gravely side road, he feels Ray sit on the floor next to him.

"Hey," Ray says softly, putting his arm around Frank, "this isn't about the cigarette is it?"

"It's about everything," Frank sniffles, "Everything this week has been wrong. I don't feel real, it's like I'm on an episode of the _Twilight Zone_ or something." Frank sniffs heavily as he finishes, throwing the ruined cigarette to the ground and looking up at Ray.

"What happened last night?" Ray asks, rubbing Frank's back.

"I had a bad dream, so Gee came over to my seat and we talked about it. You yelled at us for being loud, so he sat closer to me and we ended up making out. And then he stopped it again and started apologising. I can't fucking _deal_ with it anymore." Frank finishes, dropping his head into his hands again.

Ray hums beside him and keeps rubbing his back.

"He's just not processing it well. He likes you, a lot. He told me a year ago when you first joined." Ray blurts. Frank looks up, wide eyed.

"A- a year ago?!" He stutters. He stands up and brushes his legs off. His pants are now dusty as hell, but who cares. He'll be moving on stage enough for no one to notice.

"Fuck, I didn't mean to say that. But yes, he's liked you for a while now, he's freaking out because he didn't expect you to reciprocate." Ray says, bumping his shoulder against Frank's.

"I need a fucking cigarette. Where's Mikey's emergency stash?" Frank asks, pushing his way into the van and throwing various articles of clothing to the side. He find a crushed carton with two broken cigarettes inside, under a shoe. He stumbles out of the van and lights the first broken half, inhaling dramatically and humming with pleasure.

"I guess I just need to stay away until he works it it for himself" Frank shrugs.

"That's a good idea, keep your distance at the show for tonight." Ray raps on the side of the van and climbs in. As he swings the door shut, he hears Gerard and Mikey walking back towards him. He throws the end of the cigarette on the floor, offering offering a tight smile and a "sorry" to Mikey, who nods and moves in for a hug. Over Mikey's shoulder he catches Gerard's gaze. His eyes are red rimmed like he's been doing some crying of his own. Frank pulls away from Mikey and pushes himself into the front seat next to Brian, who is dozing with a hat over his face.

Frank leans in slowly, his lips right next to Brian's ear.

"ONWARDS STEED." He yells, Brian snorting out of his nap and yelping in surprise. The hat slides off his face and into his lap, giving Brian the perfect opportunity to pick it up and swiftly smack Frank on the head with it. Frank continues cackling, knowing he's being annoying but too tired to care.

After everyone has piled into the van (Gerard sitting right at the back, as far from Frank as he can get), they drive to the venue in silence, all drained from what happened earlier.

In the dressing room, Frank takes enough time to change his shirt and steal Mikey's cigarettes before he's out of there. He chain smokes 3 cigarettes before he goes to the bar and orders a vodka and coke, with two shots of whiskey. He's nicely buzzed by the time he needs to go onstage, pushing into Ray and laughing as he stumbles.

He gets through the show by generally being the worst person in the room. He stays far away from Gerard, but makes sure he gets all up in Mikey's face, running his fingers all over the strings of his bass before he falls to the ground and starts playing on his back.

He doesn't stop there. After a few songs he takes his guitar off and throws it across the stage, barely missing Gerard's feet, it slides out of view as Frank jumps down and pushes his way through the crowd. He glances back to see his band looking at each other in confusion, but Frank presses on with his plan.

He reaches the bar and signals for a drink, grabbing the shots of whiskey out of the barman's hand, throwing them down his throat agressively.

By this point, the band has stopped, the crowd are all staring at Frank.

Frank stares back, then runs forward and uses his momentum to hop back onto the stage. The crowd is silent before one guy at the back yells "Fuck yeah dude!" and everyone else joins in. Frank stumbles over and picks his guitar up, suddenly feeling stupid as Mikey, Ray and Gerard frown at him.

He plays the last few songs silently, standing in one place and staring at his hand as it slides over the fretboard.

He gulps as Gerard thanks everyone there, his heart almost beats out his chest as Ray pulls him off stage by his arm. He deposits his guitar against the wall, one arm still being tightly held by a half-giant. Frank gulps again, squeezing his eyes closed as he turns slowly to face his band.

"And just what the fuck was that, Frank?" Gerard explodes, stepping forward and pushing at Frank's shoulder.

"Oh, so it's okay when _you_ fuck up a perfectly good moment, but it's forbidden for anyone else to do it!" Frank yells back, breath catching when he sees the big fist sized bruise on Gerard's jaw.

"No I'm with Gee on this one Frank, that was stupid." Ray says, stepping to the side as he let's go of Frank's arm.

Frank growls at the three people in front of him. His anger deflating into sadness and regret. He hangs his head and feels his eyes tearing up.

"I don't want to do this anymore." Frank whispers.

He hears someone gasp, and another person stomp away. He looks up to see Mikey with his hands over his mouth, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. Ray is standing next to Mikey with his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

Frank turns to the side and watches Gerard's retreating back. His sadness quickly disappears and he sees red.

"FUCK YOU," he screams, grabbing a half empty bottle of water and throwing it towards Gerard's back, "I'M DONE BECAUSE OF YOU. MY DREAMS ARE OVER BECAUSE OF YOU."

"Don't you fucking _dare_ , Frank." Gerard says, turning on the spot and marching towards the group.

"Why? You don't care. You've broken my heart _twice_ this week. I don't want to be part of this anymore, I can't pretend that I don't want you anymore." Frank knows he's being selfish, he's taking away from the band as much as he's taking away from himself.

"You dick. That's not fair." Gerard yells, crossing his arms.

"No, you know what's not fair? Texting someone and telling them how much you want them, calling them and making them want you even more than they already did, kissing them and getting their hopes up. And taking it away immediately. THAT isn't fair."

Frank looks from Gerard flushed face to Ray and Mikey. They both look uncomfortable.

"Can we- I mean, will you come into the dressing room to talk?" Gerard asks, linking his hands together and pulling on the joints til they pop.

"Why? Do you want to fuck me and then skin me alive?" Frank says flatly, crossing his arms. Gerard looks horrified, shaking his head with his mouth hanging open.

"N-no, I just want to _talk_. I promise. I need to say some things." He stammers, eyes flicking to Mikey.

Frank huffs and reluctantly follows Gerard to the dressing room. As soon as the door closes, Gerard wraps his arms around Frank and starts sobbing.

" _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry_ ," he starts, squeezing around Frank's middle and burying his face deeper into his neck, "I don't know what I'm doing, I've never felt like this before."

"Like what?" Frank whispers.

"Like I don't want to be without you."

"Then why do you keep pushing me away?"

Gerard whimpers as he pulls away, clearing his throat and wiping his nose. He looks up at Frank, who had tears of his own spilling down his cheeks.

"I'm scared. I've never-" He cuts himself off and squeezes his eyes closed, he takes takes a deep breath and continues, "I've never felt anything for anyone else before. Other than my family. I've never wanted to be around someone like I want to be around you, I've never felt anything but platonic for anyone else." Gerard finishes. He opens his eyes and braces himself for what he says next.

"I think- I think I'm in love with you?" He whispers.

Frank inhales sharply, unable to say anything. He stares at Gerard as his brain processes what he just heard.

"Please. Say something." Gerard begs.

" _IthinkIloveyoutoo_ ," Frank blurts all at once. He takes a step towards Gerard with his hand outstretched, "I think I love you too." He says slowly.

Gerard doesn't hesitate as he leaps at Frank, smashing their mouths together. Frank groans and grabs Gerard's hair, pulling him closer. Gerard licks at Frank's bottom lip, who quickly opens his mouth and sucks on the tongue that invades it. He feels a hand reach down and grab his ass, pulling their crotches together, making Frank whine high in his throat and flip them around so Gerard is pushed against the door.

"Fuck," Gerard gasps as he breaks the kiss, "Hotel tonight."

"Yes, room with me?" Frank begs as he presses kisses down Gerard's neck.

"Of course, fuck, I'm not going anywhere," Gerard promises, "Let's get going, I'm sure the guys are wondering if one or _both_ of us are dead yet."

Frank laughs and quickly presses his lips against Gerard once more, just because he can do this now. He pulls the door open behind himself, pulling away from Gerard's mouth and linking their hands together.

*

In every movie you see, when the sex scene finally happens, it’s instant passion. The man slams the woman against the wall, kissing her like the world will end if he doesn’t get to touch her. Their clothes get ripped off with ease, they fall gracefully to the bed, and BAM, the sex is long and passionate, each of them climaxing at the same time. Nothing awkward or strange happens, no fiddling with the condom, no lube required, the sex just HAPPENS, and it is perfect.

As Frank stood in the middle of the hotel room, waiting for Gerard to leave the bathroom, he thought back to some of those sex scenes. Granted, sex between two men is pretty different than straight sex, but he wondered why he couldn’t get a little bit of movie magic right now. Waiting for Gerard to make sure his ass was clean was a little bit awkward, but he was so thrilled that they were finally here, so he didn’t mind that much. He just didn’t know what to do with himself.

“Uh, Gee?”

“Yeah, Frankie?” Gerard’s voice was muffled by the sound of water running in the bathroom.

“I think I’m gonna go ahead and get naked-“

“You’re gonna get _graded_???”

“No, NAKED,” he shouted at the door.

“ _Wasted_? Frankie, I don’t want to have sex if you’re going to be drunk-“ Frank opened the door with a loud bang.

“You idiot, I said naked!” He stopped in his tracks, taking in the sight before him.

Gerard was bent over the sink, pants around his ankles -where was his _underwear_ , why wasn’t he wearing underwear?- dick half hard, and his wet hand was feeling between his ass cheeks. Frank’s mind stalled for a moment, not sure how to react. On the one hand, Gerard was naked, which was awesome, but on the other hand... he was cleaning his ass in the sink.

“Why aren’t you doing that in the _bathtub_?”

“I’m honestly a little offended that that’s your first question when you’re seeing me naked for the first time,” he cocked an eyebrow.

“You know I have a thing about germs, now I can’t use the-“

“Shut the fuck up, Frankie,” Gerard rolled his eyes. “Do you wanna fuck or not?” He pulled up his pants and began to wash his hands.

“Why are you putting your pants back on if we’re gonna fuck? _Take them off_ ,” Frank began to unbuckle his belt, ignoring the smirk Gerard was giving him. “Come on asshole, take the shirt off too.” Frank turned and practically skipped to the bedroom, shucking his shirt and belt, leaving a trail of clothing. Gerard was simply watching from the doorway of the bathroom, palming the growing erection in his pants. “Gee, please,” Frank whined.

Gerard cocked his head in Frank’s direction. “Finish up,” he said softly, unzipping his pants and reaching inside. “Wanna see you.”

Frank’s breath hitched at the look in Gerard’s eyes; not predatory or full of lust, no, it was love. Sure, he had his dick in his hand, stroking slowly, his chest rising with every flick of his wrist; but he looked so damn smitten, bottom lip caught between his teeth, cheeks rosy and chest flushed. Frank wanted to tease him, wanted to be sexy, but he was so eager that he practically flung his pants off his hips, nearly tripping. He heard Gerard snort softly. “I’m _excited_ , okay?”

“I can see,” he cooed, gaze lowering to the prominent bulge in Frank’s boxers. “Mind if I uh,” he strolled over to Frank, hand still stroking his dick lazily, “help you out there, Frankie?” Frank nodded enthusiastically, dying to feel Gerard’s skin against his own. “First, though...”

Leaning in slowly, Gerard connected their lips again. It was a sweet kiss, soft and gentle, as Gerard laced his fingers into Frank’s hair, prodding at his lips with his tongue. Welcoming the intrusion, Frank moaned as he felt the slide of Gerard’s tongue against his own. He dug his fingers into the soft skin of Gerard’s sides, using the opportunity to help remove his shirt.

“Sorry,” Gerard mumbled, his cheeks flushing even deeper.

“For what?” Frank wrapped his arms tightly around Gerard’s middle, bringing them closer together, their chests touching. He tingled at the contact.

Gerard averted his eyes. “Well, I mean...” he gestured between them. Frank stared.

“Mikey was right, you really are terrible at communicating.”

“The way I look, dumbass,” he huffed, “I don’t look as good as you.” Gerard kissed him lightly. “Let’s just... go back to this, okay?”

“No, absolutely not,” Frank insisted, sliding his hands up Gerard’s back. “You look amazing,” he praised, placing gossamer kisses up the column of Gerard’s neck, “never seen anyone as beautiful as you.” He bit lightly at the junction of his neck and shoulder, feeling Gerard shiver in his arms. “Love everything about you.” He bent down slightly, trailing kisses and nibbles along his chest. “So fucking gorgeous,” he breathed, taking a nipple into his mouth and gently sucking.

“ _Fuck_ , Frankie,” he heard Gerard above him, his hands gripping Frank’s hair tightly. “Fuck, don’t stop.” He slid his hands down Gerard’s back, dragging his nails along the soft skin, stopping just above the waist of his pants before hooking his fingers in the waistline and pulling down. Continuing to trail kisses down his soft stomach, he took Gerard’s cock in his hand. “Frankie, please.”

Frank got to his knees, licking a long, slow stipe from base to tip, reveling in the groan that he pulled from Gerard’s lips. “Like that, baby?” He placed a sucking kiss on his balls, stroking up the shaft.

“Fuck, fuck, Frankie please,” he whined, Frank’s lips closing around the head of his dick.

“Gotta use your _words_ , baby,” he crooned as he popped off, still stoking Gerard. “What do you need?” He took him in slowly, making sure his tongue was planted along the underside of Gerard’s cock.

“Need you,” Gerard gasped, “need you to fuck me.” Frank moaned around the dick in his mouth, pulling a gasp from Gerard.

“But I’m just getting started!” He looked up at Gerard, pouting as he stroked him, his free hand down his own boxers. “Wanna make you scream, baby, want you to feel me for _days_.” Taking him back in, he hollowed his cheeks and bobbed his head.

Gerard groaned, thrusting his hips ever-so slightly, loving the fact that Frank could take it without choking. Looking down, he noticed Frank was getting off to this, his hand down his boxers, jerking himself quickly, eyes screwed shut in ecstasy.

“No,” he mumbled, going against every molecule in his body as he stilled Frank and pulled away, “not yet, Frankie. Wanna feel you.”

“Are you sure?”

“What kind of question is that? Yes I’m fucking sure,” Gerard walked passed him and sprawled out on the bed, “now get over here and fuck me, dingus.”

Frank stopped for a second, looking at Gerard. “Why do we call each other names?”

Gerard shrugged. “It’s how we show love, I guess. Now get over here,” he laughed, making grabby hands at Frank, who obliged more than willingly, crawling on the bed.

“Roll over,” he said softly, helping Gerard shift to his stomach, ass in the air. Frank groaned. “Fuck, your ass is amazing.” He grabbed two handfuls of Gerard’s round, firm ass, kneading like it was dough. Gerard giggled, hiding his face in a pillow. “Gonna fuckin’ eat you out.” At that, Gerard’s head snapped up at attention.

“Oh god, please,” he whined, shifting up on his knees to present himself. Frank laughed at his eagerness. “What, like I wouldn’t be excited? Why do you think I was cleaning my ass?”

Without a word, Frank settled between Gerard’s legs, spreading his ass with his hands. He took a moment to marvel at his bandmate then; how he rocked back on his knees to encourage Frank, the beginnings of a light sweat over his pale skin, the perfect dip of his spine as his back was arched, the desperate look in his eyes as he looked at Frank over his shoulder. Frank sat up and leaned over Gerard’s back, placing a small kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Love you, Gee,” he whispered, and was greeted with his favorite lopsided smile.

“Love you too, Frankie. Now eat my ass.”

“Yes sir,” he quipped, giving Gerard’s ass a light snack, eliciting a yelp.

Settling back between Gerard’s legs, he spread him open again, wasting no time at all. Spreading his tongue flat against Gerard’s hole, he slowly licked upwards, dipping his tongue inside lightly. He repeated the motion several times, going as slowly as he could manage.

“ _Frankie_ ,” Gerard panted, his fists twisting in the sheets, “fuck, you gotta give me more than that.” So he placed a sucking kiss right on his hole, pausing only to delve inside with his tongue, saliva dripping down Gerard’s perineum and balls. “Fuuuuck, baby, yes, just like that, _justlikethat_ , please please please.”

“Touch yourself,” Frank said between kisses, pushing the tip of his finger inside. “Slowly now, I don’t want you coming before I’m inside you.” Gerard did as he was told, stroking himself slowly, whimpering softly. “That’s my good boy, you should see yourself, Gerard. Fuck, you look so good.” He continued to gently press his finger inside, aided by his saliva, but he knew they would need lube soon. “Did you bring any lube?” Gerard nodded, eyes screwed shut. “Where is it, baby?”

“My bag,” he gasped, “by the door, fuck, please don’t stop Frankie, please.”

“I’m gonna need to if I don’t want to hurt you,” Frank frowned. He didn’t want to stop either, but saliva would only get them so far. “Let me get it and we’ll pick right back up, I promise. Keep touching yourself, okay?” Gerard nodded as Frank got up to rummage around in the bag.

After finally finding the bottle, he headed back to the bed to find Gerard still in the same position, his hips rocking down to meet his fist. Frank groaned and shucked off his boxers, climbing behind Gerard again. “I’m gonna start with just one again.”

“Fuck you, Iero,” Gerard panted, “you’re starting with _two fingers_ or I’m doing it myself.” Frank pondered this statement for a moment as he lazily squeezed his dick to the mental image. It would be incredibly hot to watch Gerard open himself up... but no, he wanted to do this, he’d had too many fantasies about it to simply sit back and watch.

“Okay, okay, two fingers,” he smiled. “Bossy motherfucker.” He coated two fingers in a generous amount of lube, trying not to shake; fuck, why was he nervous? “Okay baby, here-“

“Put them in me, Frank, I wanna feel it,” he whined, feeling two fingers press against his hole. He knew he was a virgin, but he also knew he wasn’t going to break. He didn’t want to be treated like glass. “I’m not gonna break, okay?”

Frank pushed in slowly, Gerard’s ass tight as hell, practically swallowing his fingers. He heard Gerard groan, spewing obscenities as Frank began to move his fingers, opening him up. He would begin his search for the prostate eventually, he just wanted to get Gerard relaxed at this point.

“God, that feels _so good_ ,” he moaned, his hips thrusting back to meet Frank’s fingers. “Harder, Frankie, please, I want you to fuck me!”

“I am fucking you, Gee, you need to be patient okay? This isn’t like with a woman, I can’t just stick it in.” He was just getting a third finger in, when Gerard stopped and pulled off, wincing at the loss.

“Have you ever been with a man before?”

The question caught Frank off guard. He stuttered and sputtered for a moment, suddenly embarrassed. “Well... no, no I haven’t been with a man. Is that like... a deal-breaker?”

Gerard laughed his weird little honking laugh/giggle, and pulled Frank on top of him. “Why would that matter, Frankie? I haven’t been with anyone, so it’s not a big deal.” He planted a kiss on Frank’s lips. “Was just wondering. You’re real good at this for a newbie.”

Frank huffed. “Well thanks. I’ve uh... done some research.”

“Research?” Gerard grinned wolfishly, grabbing hold of Frank’s ass and giving it a good squeeze, enjoying the cute blush that bloomed across Frank’s face. “Frankie. Have you been watching _gay porn_?”

“I’m bi, okay? I thought that was obvious?”

Gerard shrugged. “A little. Always thought you preferred girls, but I’m glad you’re into me.” He surged up, kissing Frank passionately, pulling back with a wet pop. “Now let’s get back to business.” Gerard spread his legs, helping Frank to settle on top of him. “Do you have condoms?”

Frank blanched. He wasn’t exactly expecting to get laid on this tour, sleeping around wasn’t something he did. “Uh... no, no I don’t.” Gerard slapped a hand over his eyes. “Gee, you haven’t been with anyone, right?” He nodded, hand still over his eyes. “And I’ve only been with girls, and we’ve always used protection... Would you be okay with maybe not using one?” He was scared to look at Gerard, worried he’d say no.

“I mean... if you’re okay with it, I’m okay with it.” Frank let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. “I think I’d prefer to completely feel you our first time, anyway. My first time.”

Frank kissed him gently, sitting back on his knees and grabbing the lube. He used a generous amount, breath hitching at the feeling on his dick. His eyes landed on Gerard, expression hungry, his legs hooked around Frank’s back, not letting him go too far.

“You sure you’re ready?” Frank asked, probably more nervous than Gerard.

“Never been more sure in my life,” Gerard smiled gently, pulling Frank down by his neck for a kiss.

Gerard took a pillow and put it beneath his hips, pushing them up better to give Frank access. Taking a steadying breath, Frank lined himself up to Gerard’s opening, giving a steady push, breaching him without much resistance.

From somewhere far away, he heard Gerard gasp his name; he couldn’t really concentrate though, as the feeling of tight warmth was all he could think about, all he could acknowledge. He slowly continued to push inside, careful to not come instantly.

“ _Jesus fucking Christ, Gerard_ ,” he breathed, bottoming out. Gerard was mewling, scraping at his shoulders, tossing his head from side to side. “Baby, are you okay?”

“Yes, yes, just fucking move, goddamnit,” he panted, attempting to thrust his hips up. “God, want you to fuck me so hard, Frankie, wanna feel you for days.”

“Fucking hell, Gee,” he moaned, pulling back before thrusting back in, pulling a strangled cry from Gerard’s lips. He repeated the motion, thrusting back in harshly, causing Gerard’s body to move up higher on the bed. “You’re so tight, Gee, don’t know how long I can last like this.”

“Harder, please Frankie, _harder_!”

Frank grabbed onto Gerard’s knee, pushing it up and throwing it over his shoulder, thrusting as hard as he could, aiming for Gerard’s prostate. A few thrusts later, and jackpot; Gerard keened, the wind knocked out of him, his eyes fluttering closed in ecstasy.

“Touch yourself, baby. Wanna see you come, know you want to. Come on, Gee.” Frank kept thrusting, sweat rolling down his back as Gerard’s hand flew to his dick, fisting it tightly, jerking himself in time with Frank’s thrusts. “You’re so beautiful, so amazing,” he panted, feeling his own balls constrict as his orgasm was about to hit him. Gerard moaned loudly as his fist twisted on the up-stroke on his dick. “That’s it, baby, such a good boy.”

“Oh my god, Frank, I’m gonna come,” he groaned, mouth open and moaning like a whore.

“Look at me,” Frank demanded, “open your eyes and look at me when you come.” Frank was fighting off his own release, wanting to see the look on Gerard’s face when he came, something he had thought about countless times. He want it seared into his brain, wanted to remember it for the rest of his life.

They locked eyes, each of them completely silent as their orgasms finally hit them. Without thinking, Frank thrust inside one last time, kissing Gerard forcefully as he felt himself coming inside him, his body shaking, _overwhelmed_ by sensation and emotion. Gerard cried out when Frank released his lips, spilling onto his hand and stomach. He was so beautiful, Frank had never seen anything like it; his brow sweaty, cheeks flushed, lips red and swollen, chest heaving. God, he loved him.

Frank pulled out slowly, Gerard protesting at the loss, and moved down to lick away the mess on Gerard’s stomach and hand.

“Jesus, Frankie,” Gerard sounded spent, arm thrown across his eyes, letting Frank clean up his mess. “That was... oh my god. I need a second.”

“You okay?” Frank eyed him curiously as he laid down next to him. Gerard’s goofy laugh bounced off the walls.

“Never been better. Just... why did we wait so long to do this?”

Frank thought about it, turning introspective as Gerard curled beside him, putting his head on Frank’s chest.

“You want an honest answer?”

“Well, yeah.”

Frank sighed. “We’re _idiots_.”

“I would argue with you,” Gerard held a finger in the air, not bothering to look at Frank, “but I’ve just been fucked within an inch of my life, and I don’t have it in me. Plus, you’re right.”

“Wait a second,” Frank sat up, Gerard’s head rolling off his chest, startling him. “I’m right about something? For once?”

“Don’t let it go to your head, sweetie,” he patted Frank on the chest. “Now lay back down, I wanna cuddle." Frank obliged, pulling Gerard tightly to him.

“Love you, Gee.”

“Love you more, Frankie.”

For the first time since the tour started, they slept peacefully.

*

“Are they done yet?”

Ray still had his head pressed to the wall. “...I think so. It’s quiet.”

“Thank god,” Mikey groaned, “can we wash my brain out in the morning? I’m traumatized from hearing my brother getting fucked.”

“Honestly I would’ve pegged Frank as the loud one,” Ray mused, bouncing back down onto the bed. “Never knew Gee was a bottom, but you learn something-“

“ _Shut up_ , Toro, for the love of god!”

**Author's Note:**

> if we get enough hell yeahs we'll write a part two from Gerard's point of view. we both agreed that he kinda came across as a bit of a jerk, but he's really just scared and anxious. he's a sweetheart and we love him.  
> leave comments and kudos if you'd like that saucy part two!


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